


Younglings Eat Free

by notgeorgelucas



Series: The AU where Palpatine fell, Anakin didn't, and the Republic stands [5]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, My occupational hazard being my occupation's just not around, The cannons don't thunder there's nothing to plunder, casa bonita? what's casa bonita?, themed restaurants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-03 22:18:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10976475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notgeorgelucas/pseuds/notgeorgelucas
Summary: Yet another in a Star Wars: The Clone Wars AU where Palpatine fell, Anakin didn't, the Republic stands and the Skywalker family is dining at the hottest theme restaurant in the Capital. Come for the entertainment, stay for the sopas!





	Younglings Eat Free

After the seventh consecutive glassy-eyed family had graciously allowed her family to cut ahead, Padmé Amildala had reached her limit. “Children,” she quietly warned her offspring in her sternest, no-nonsense tones.

Luke and Leia shook their heads. “It’s not us, Mama!” they declared. “Honest!”

Padmé’s glare moved over and up to her husband. “That goes double for you, mister.”

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about,” Anakin replied smugly.

“Stop it, or we’re going home and I’ll make sure the kids know it’s your fault.”

“Okay, okay. Man, you play dirty.” Anakin glanced up at the brightly-colored “PIRATE PLANET” sign and shook his head.  “I sure hope this place is worth the hype.”

“Senator Taiga assured me that the experience will make the wait worthwhile. Her kids had a wonderful time.”

“Isn’t Taiga the one who sponsored that bill you shot down in flames two weeks ago?” Anakin remarked. “And now you’re taking her word about how wonderful this restaurant is? You ask me…”

“I didn’t. And we’re next in line.” She smiled politely at the maitre‘d, a Weequay who looked long past bored. “We’d like a table for four,” she said. “Two adults, two…”

“Welcome to Pirate Planet,” the Weequay droned, cutting her off. “Menu’s up there.” He pointed at the wall behind him. “Get your trays over there and place your order there…and pay over there.” This was clearly a never-ending litany and he’d committed it to memory.

“What?” Anakin’s eyes narrowed. “We have to order…and pay…before we’re seated? What kind of place is this?” He leaned in closer. “Say, don’t I know you from somewhere, pal?”

The Weequay shrugged. “Don’t think so, ‘matey’. But if you don’t like it…” He nodded toward the long line stretching out behind them. “Stay. Go. Doesn’t matter to me. Just do it now.”

“Thank you.” Padmé gave her husband a not-so-gentle nudge forward; Anakin reluctantly obeyed, but glanced back at the maitre‘d one last time before proceeding. “I swear I’ve seen that guy before,” he muttered.

“I’m sure you have. Now why don’t you put those incredible observation skills to good use and find us an available table?”

*****

“Over here,” Anakin called to his family. “Perfect location, too! We can see everything from this vantage point.” He flopped down into his seat and grinned triumphantly.

Padmé rolled her eyes. “Did you have to perform your ‘Elite Jedi Acrobatic Skills’ routine in front of everyone in order to claim it? I swear, I can’t take you anywhere. Give Luke some help with his tray, while you’re at it.”

“It’s heavy, Dad,” Luke complained.

“Hey now—you know what to do. Use the Force, Luke. Look at Leia. She’s…” Anakin took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Leia, please stop balancing the tray on one fingertip and use two hands. We’re trying to blend in…and I heard that snort, Padmé!”

“Dad, this food looks yukky,” Leia commented, making a face for added emphasis. “And I think some of it is trying to scoot off the plate. Can we go explore now and come back later?”

“Maybe the food will have crawled away by then?” Luke added hopefully.

“Now children, you should be grateful for this meal,” Padmé noted solemnly. “You know, a few years ago many Bothans died because they couldn’t get good food like…” She abruptly slammed her knife into something gravy-covered on her plate. The something squealed piteously. “Good food like this,” she concluded smoothly.

“Go on,” Anakin sighed, waving his children off. “With any luck this stuff will have died a natural death by the time you get back.”

Padmé looked around the spacious dining room. “Anakin…is that a Wookie walking around growling at people?”

“No, I don’t think so,” he replied after a moment. “I think I saw a zipper in back. I have to admit, this is something else.”

“It’s certainly very busy,” Padmé remarked. Her musing was suddenly interrupted by an alarm claxon. “What is going on…Anakin! You promised me you wouldn’t bring your lightsaber!”

“You can never be too careful,” he growled, but slowly slid it back into its holster. “Hey, look up there!”

“BRING THE PRISONER FORWARD!” a booming voice screamed over the sound system. A moment later a thin, trembling man stumbled into view, urged on by the ‘Wookie’. 

“Anakin, what in the name of Naboo is going on here?” Padmé muttered.

“I don’t know, but I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” he replied as his fingers slowly wrapped around his lightsaber again.

“FOR YOUR CRIMES, MATEY,” the loudspeaker bellowed, “IT’S TIME TO…WALK THE PLANK!”

“WALK THE PLANK!” screamed every child in the building. “WALK THE PLANK!”

The Wookie gave the prisoner a final shove, and with a long, hoarse scream he plunged into the ‘lagoon’. A few minutes later he surfaced and emerged with a big grin, waving to the applauding crowd as he left.

“It was all an act,” Anakin said with a disappointed sigh. The lightsaber returned to its holster.

“Based on how many kids were screaming, I’d say this place does quite a repeat business, wouldn’t you?” Padmé glanced around the room. “Do you have any idea where Luke and Leia are?”

****

It was a battle for the ages. The brave crew of the Red Ship fought valiantly, fending off their foes from the Blue Ship with a mighty barrage of ‘pew pew pew’ and pointed fingers. The blue team ‘pew pew’d’ right back at them…with two exceptions.

“Hey!” a Corellian boy yelled. “You guys aren’t using guns! That’s cheating!”

Luke snorted. “That’s ‘cause we’re Jedi Knights!” He waved his imaginary lightsaber back and forth, deflecting every single blaster shot coming his way. “Varoooooom, varooooom!”

The Corellian was unimpressed. “Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no sub…Hey!” He recoiled as Leia tugged forcefully at his shirt. “Let go!”

“No way,” Leia replied as she pulled him toward the escape slide. “We’re taking you out! Down the chute, flyboy!”  She turned toward her brother, her grin as big as his. “Isn’t this GREAT?”

****

“Oh, look at that!” Padmé cried. “They’re using their pretend lightsabers to defend the ship, just like you used to! And it’s a wreck, just like yours were!”

“Tell me Luke isn’t making his own sound effects again,” Anakin groaned. “Yoda hates it when the younglings do that.”

“I think it’s sweet that they want to be like their father,” Padmé remarked. “Say, is there a waiter around? I’d like a glass of wine.”

“I’m looking.” Anakin scanned the bustling restaurant. “Space ship wreckage, ‘pirate caves’, barely edible food, crooked arcade games…what kind of low-level, scheming opportunist would come up with something like this?”

“Skywalker?” A meaty, powerful hand descended onto his shoulder. “My good friend, how wonderful to see you and your lovely wife again! And under far more friendly circumstances this time!”

Anakin grit his teeth and slowly turned around. “Hondo Ohnaka,” he growled. “Why am I not surprised?”

“I know!” the pirate declared happily. “Such a small universe, isn’t it?”

****

“This is SO COOL!” Luke yelled as he guided his speeder through the narrow rock passages. “It’s like we’re really there, Leia!”

“I know! Hey, watch your six, Luke—something’s trying to take you out!”

“Roger that!” Luke spared the intruder a glance. “Hey, it’s a womp rat! Neat!”

“On it.” Leia squeezed off a tight volley of shots. The womp rat exploded into bits of blood, guts and limbs. “NEAT!”

*****

“You know how things go,” Hondo shrugged from the seat he’d claimed. “Peace is terrible business in my…former…profession. When everything is plentiful and easily obtained…well, what’s an honest pirate to do?”

“Did you ever find out?” Anakin muttered.

“Excuse me,” Padmé called to a passing waiter. “I’d like…excuse me! Excuse me?”

Hondo flew out of his chair and grabbed the waiter by the back of his shirt. “Idiot!” he snapped, dragging the Weequay back to the table. “Ignoring such a distinguished and beautiful guest such as this? Where are your manners? Now, how may this wretch serve you, my lady?”

Padmé blinked. “Well,” she finally said, “I’d very much like a glass of wine, if that isn’t too much trouble.”

“You heard the lady!” Hondo declared. “Get the lady a glass of our finest wine!” He added under his breath, “Not the stuff we serve the rubes. The good stuff. Understood?” The waiter hurried toward the bar, and Hondo slipped back into his chair. “Where was I? Oh yes, peace. Wonderful for the galaxy, terrible for me. I had all this overhead, and let’s face it, my crew has to eat and they insisted on being paid. They get very grouchy when those two conditions are not met.”

The waiter returned with a glass of rich amber liquid. “Thank you very much,” Padmé noted as she took a sip. “Oh my,” she said a moment later. “That’s a very… rich flavor.” She fanned herself with her free hand as a slow flush crept across her face. “Very nice.”

“Only the best for a Galactic Senator!” Hondo beamed. “So anyway…”

“Just a second,” Anakin interjected. “I need to find my kids.”

“They’re over there,” Hondo nodded toward a far corner. “That’s the Skim Speeder Womp Rat Rade. Very popular, let me tell you.”

“And how did you know those two were mine?” Anakin demanded.

“Oh, that was easy,” Hondo said with a casual wave his hand. “I can count the number of children who can jump from the space battle to the floor without injury on one hand.”

“Thish is SOOOO delishus,” Padmé declared emphatically. She grabbed another waiter by the sleeve. “More,” she demanded, waving her glass in his face. “Pleashe. You were shaying, Hondo?”

“Of course,” Hondo smiled. “I remember sitting alone in my cabin one night, trying to ignore the banging on the door as my crew expressed their displeasure about the situation…and then it hit me. Kids LOVE pirates! The legends! The excitement! The excuse to behave badly because it’s what’s expected!” He spread his arms wide. “And so with some discreet donations to influential causes and a not-inconsiderable loan from some associates of mine…”

“The Hutts,” Anakin groaned.

“…here we are!”

Anakin eyed his wife carefully. “Are you okay?”

“Of course!” she replied indignantly, her eyes focused on everything but him.

“Padmé…you’re drunk.”

“Nonsense,” she retorted, carefully enunciating every syllable. “Hondo…do you think I’m drung?”

“Not at all, Senator,” the pirate replied. “You look as lovely and fresh as when you walked in earlier.”

“See? SEE?” Padmé hotly declared. “Hondo shays ‘m NOT DRUNG! Sho there!” She hiccupped and belched before accosting a passing waiter for yet another refill.

“Dad! Dad!” Luke and Leia raced up to the table. “Did you see the desserts?” Luke held two small, slightly crushed puff pastries in his eager hands. “They taste so good!”

“How much sugar is in them?” Anakin demanded. “Your mother says you get way too much as it is.”

“Not that much,” Leia assured him, casually wiping a small mountain of it on her white dress.

“Yeah, you have to sprinkle it on them, like this,” Luke added, grabbing the table dispenser and applying as much as he could on his treat.

“Wait…where did you get those things to begin with?”

Two cherubic faces of radiant innocence peered lovingly up at him. “We found them.”

Hondo laughed. “Such wonderful children, Skywalker! They would be excellent additions to my crew! As information,” he continued, “just press this button and the waiters will know you want more sopas. All you can eat!”

“YAYYYYYY!”

“I don’t believe this,” Anakin sighed, shaking his head in resignation. “I cannot believe you managed to pull this off, Hondo.”

“Ehh, it’s a living.” Hondo leaned forward conspiratorially. “We’re opening our second restaurant on Naboo next year. And we are always looking for potential investors, my friend.”

“Naboo…wait.” Anakin looked over at the empty seat beside Hondo. “Where’s Padmé?”

 Hondo shrugged. “Perhaps she went to find the Little Senator’s Room? You have to go through the Haunted Pirate Caves to get there,” he added.

“LAAAIDEEES AN’ GENNLEMEN!” a familiar slurry voice announced.  “IT’S TIME TO WALK THE PLANK!”

“WALK THE PLANK! WALK THE PLANK!” came the excited chorus. Anakin leaned back as far as he could, desperately trying to spot his inebriated wife from high above.

“Daddy! Daddy!” Luke and Leia raced up to the table. “Mommy’s going to walk the plank! See?”

“What? Oh no! PADMÉ!”

From the look of things the ‘Wookie’ was doing his level best to drag her back to safety, but the Senator would not be denied. “Oh no you don’t!” she yelled. “YOU’RE COMING WITH ME, FUZZY!”

“PADMÉ!”

“WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

******

“Ewww,” Leia groaned, making a face. “I guess it really WAS a Wookie, huh Dad?”

****

“Just so you know, I’m charging you time and a half for this, Skyguy,” Ahsoka informed him. “I had to cancel my spa reservation for this.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry,” Anakin grumbled as he struggled to dry an utterly waterlogged Padmé off. “I really do appreciate it, Snips. Seriously.”

Ahsoka glanced around the sprawling restaurant. “I bet you two had a great time tonight, didn’t you?” she asked her charges. “What did you do before your mom took a header into that pool? By the way,” she whispered as an aside to Anakin, “just between you and me, that water doesn’t look too clean. You might want a doctor to check her out tomorrow, and a shower is **definitely** a good idea.”

“We had so much fun!” Luke declared breathlessly. “We got to fight pirates who were trying to take our ship, and we won these cool prizes in the arcade, and we got to shoot womp rats in a game…”

“…and we got to eat a lot of these treats, and put LOTS of sugar on them when Daddy wasn’t looking!” Leia jumped in. “And best of all, we got to have a holo taken in the Pirate Cave with Mister Hondo! See?”

“…Wait.” Ahsoka’s eyes narrowed menacingly. “Hondo? As in…?”

“The same,” Anakin sighed. “Don’t ask. Long story. And leave it be, Snips. It’s not worth it.”

“I had soooooo much fun,” Padmé giggled from underneath her towel. “Hey…Ani.” She leaned over to nibble on his earlobe but settled for his nostril. “Let’s go up and jump together this time, ‘kay?”

“I don’t think so, sweetheart,” Anakin replied. “I think it’d be better if we called it a night and went home.”

“Ooooooooh,” she half-cooed, half-hiccupped. “That’d be fun…’cause I am _soooooo wet_ right now, Skyboy. I wanna see your Luvvvvvvsaber tonight..."

“Got everyone, Snips?” Anakin sighed, sliding an arm under his limp, bedraggled wife.

“Sure do. C’mon guys, let’s head out.” Ahsoka sniffed toward Padmé and made a face. “And let’s leave the top down, shall we?”

*****

“Pirate Planet, eh?” Obi-Wan nodded and stroked his chin thoughtfully. “You know, perhaps I could escort some of the younglings there some evening. An excursion like that would go over very well with them. What do you think, Anakin?”

Anakin barely managed to hide his smirk. “I think you’ll have the time of your lives, Master. Oh, I’d suggest you take Satine as well.”

“Perhaps I will, Anakin. Perhaps I will…”

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I shamelessly stole everything I could from the legendary Casa Bonita in Colorado. I regret nothing. And someday I will go there for the experience...but not the food.


End file.
